note to self


Had a wacky waking dream this morning. I was on some variation of Project Runway, but it was more like making some sort of crafts involving painting, and working with a partner. I recall not necessarilly getting along with the partner, but she was the lead on the project, so I just tried to cover up her shoddy workmanship lest I be thrown under the bus.  The other contestants were the standard mix of the couple of nice ones, and a couple über-bitchy ones as well. It was building up to the reveal and critiques that I woke to the sound of Mufasa yakking all over the bedroom carpet.

Lovely domesticity. After cleaning that up, I tried getting back to sleep to no avail, and don’t know how my project runway of the mind would’ve turned out.

Ok, even my horoscope is telling me to take a break.  I clearly need to; and just make the time for it, but it seems like there’s always something screaming for attention.

January 30, 2009

  1. CapricornCapricorn (12/22-1/19)

    For some time now, you’ve been promising yourself some downtime — a few days or even hours when you cut back on your workload and give yourself a chance to relax. So exactly when are you going to come through with that promise? Today, you’ve got to start. Cancel or postpone whatever you can and give yourself a block of empty time. Remind yourself what it feels like to have nothing to do! You won’t be bored, you’ll be relieved. And you will finally get a chance to recharge your batteries!

This has been gnawing away at me for some time.  One of those olde timey cartoons that probably gave me my appreciation of classical music.

The cartoon – Woody Woodpecker – Convict concerto

The music – Franz Lizst’s Hungarian Rhapsody.

“Psst… The dough.  the dough!”

Bonus: Little Rural Ridinghood

Suffice it to say the last 2.5 months have been a bit stressful. It’s been a roller coaster navigating the rehab facilities and the multiple wards of the hospital; but I think things are finally coming around now, and Mom is on her way to recovery.

As one could imagine, I haven’t been a bundle of laughs lately, but I got this text message that just hit the spot and made me smile.

“Phil Colins, Philip Bailey and the theme to the Banana Splits. That’s why we are friends.”
– St. Shasta of the 7 Dancing Pandas, on listening to the iPod shuffle I forgot a couple of weeks ago, and she rescued for me.

The Quiet October. I really like the sound of that. Sounds like the name of some mysterious thriller laden novel. Unfortunately, in recent memory, I don’t think I’ve had a quiet October. It really is my favorite time of the year, the change in weather, the leaves, the crispness in the air, the smell of apple cider, all that sale candy for Halloween.  But in recent memory, I haven’t really been able to enjoy the month either with family illnesses or moves, or whatever craziness of the moment is happening.  Right now, I’m blogging from the hospital, where my mom has spent the last two weeks.

It started out as an infection, on her foot, which with her being diabetic is problematic. She wasn’t getting enough circulation to her feet, so when she was taking antibiotics, it wasn’t making it all the way down to the infected site. They removed a chunk of tissue, but circulation wasn’t improving, so the doctors first inserted a stent, then a couple of days later did a vein graft to improve
the flow of blood and antibiotics to her extremeties.

So far so good, right? I mean, she usually recovers pretty quickly; this is the woman who licked cancer, eased through a heart transplant, expertly manages peritoneal dialysis for her underachieving kidneys. This should be a cake walk, right? Wrong.

She’s been having muscle spasms like you wouldnt believe, in her thighs, seemingly wholly unrelated to the surgery.  She’s had these spasms in varying intesities for a little over a week now… Each day the intensity grew and grew.  I stayed home from work last friday to try and talk to some doctors to get an idea what was happening, and what actions were going to be taken, but while talking to one specialist, I missed the general practicioner (he visits at 5-6 am).  She went pretty much the whole weekend in the same boat, pain ratcheting up, and relief in the form of more pain killers being elusive.

I came into the hospital this morning at 4:30am, to catch the doctor, ask my questions, and get some relief for my mom.  I managed to have a quick 5 minute chat, they’re prescribing some valium, some MRIs, and hopefully we’ll get somewhere.  Along the way, I’ve asked about therapeutic massage, ultrasound, or e-stim, all to befuddled looks.  It seemed like the only thing the hospital knew how to do was medicate the symptom, rather than  look at the whole issue.  While it was incredibly frustrating for me, it was wholly unbearable for my mom.  It terrifies me to think of spending any length of time, feeling as awful as she did with very little to show for that time.

She is feeling a little better now that i think the valium has kicked in, and that we’ve been able to stretch her legs, but all the same, I wish there’s someway I could have kicked this all into gear 4-5 days ago.

In any case, one year, for at least one week; I’d love to experience a quiet October.

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